The Dice Are Trying to Kill Me T-shirt

by Tom Warin

(Salem, MA)

The Dice Are Trying to Kill Me T-shirt

I remember the first time that the dice turned on me. I had spent a dozen turns fortifying my base in Africa and assembling my forces for my final push on South America. I outnumbered my opponent by five to one. The only thing that I had left to chance was chance itself.

Fifty rolls of the dice later, my ambitions to rule the world were in ashes, my armies were scattered to the wind.

I hoped that it was a one off, that these things just happen, but I was wrong. I lost my favorite mage to a lucky sling shot from a Kobold. I went 20 turns without a hint of the wheat and ore I needed for my cities. I ended up in jail without passing “Go” so many times that I thought I would have to start paying rent to the warden.

I never knew for sure what I had done to anger the dice so. Perhaps I never showed them the attention they craved. Perhaps I should have, just once, blown on them and let them know that my baby needed a new pair of shoes.

All I can do now is wear this The Dice Are Trying to Kill Me T-shirt, to let my fellow gamers know that they should go easy on me when I lose, because it’s not my fault.

The dice are trying to kill me.